The maid of honor just puked.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
