Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
