I must be too annoying 4 u.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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