i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it hurts more in the daytime
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
