Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
