Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
