I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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