Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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