Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
