ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
