I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
