Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
