im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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