You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
