woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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