her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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