1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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