Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
