smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
