I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
