im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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