You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
