big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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