Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
