Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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