I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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