Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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