Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
