Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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