im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
