He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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