fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize