Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
