I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
