its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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