I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I am available for nakedness
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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