I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
