It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
