Kareoke will never be a sober sport
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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