I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
