He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
