We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
