My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Tell her she can't have a vagina
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
