You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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