pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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