rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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