8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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