How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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