I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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