Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
