Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
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Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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