he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
