I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
