so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The power of my boobs compel you
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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