just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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