Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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