If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
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I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
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Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related