Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?