So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
