it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
