Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
