I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
