you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
