you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
