Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wish you could order shots online.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
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no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
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thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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