You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
birth control should be required to get into college
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
