Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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