just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
