The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
