yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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