Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
