I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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