guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
