so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
