i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it hurts more in the daytime
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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