it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
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When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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